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13 January 2015

A Beautifully Written, Inspiring Letter Of Love, On The Field Of Battle

A week before the Battle of Bull Run, Sullivan Ballou, a Major in the Second Rhode Island Volunteers, wrote home to his wife in Smithfield:

July the 14th, 1861, Washington, D.C.

Dear Sarah;

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days – perhaps tomorrow – and lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I’m no more.

I have no misgivings about or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how American civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the revolution and I am willing, perfectly willing to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this government and to pay that debt.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless; it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but omnipotence can break. And yet my love of country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly with all those chains to the battlefield. The memory of all the blissful moments I’ve enjoyed with you come crowding over me and I feel most deeply grateful to God – and you – that I’ve enjoyed them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and see our boys grown up to honorable manhood around us.

If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you; how thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been. But oh, Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you in the brightest day and the darkest night. Always, always.

And when the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air, your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead. Think I am gone and wait for me. For we shall meet again.


Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the First Battle of Bull Run.

10 January 2015

Baptism As A Share In The Sufferings Of Others

By now we can see and understand that Pope Francis has much to teach us. If we take his words, actions, and especially his personal example seriously, we will be inspired and challenged. After all, Pope Francis is not only a priest, but a Jesuit who served for decades in Buenos Aires, Argentina. He has seen poverty, crime, abuse, as well as many deeds of charity and kindness up close. He has not been withdrawn from the world, closed up in a scholar’s library, but has been in the streets and shops with everyday human beings, including the poor. He has seen and touched those who suffer from all sorts of illnesses, and those who suffer from injustices in the social system of his native country. Although some of his statements may sound as though he is highly critical of capitalism, it is difficult to imagine myself not being similarly opposed to any political, economic, and social system that causes as much human suffering as he experienced in Argentina. It is difficult to imagine that anyone with a sensitive conscience would not be deeply troubled by seeing so much human misery as one encounters in Buenos Aires, or Rome, or New York, or nearly any large city.

What does one do in the face of so much human suffering? Observe Pope Francis, and keep in mind the way of Jesus. If we approach the baptism of Jesus from our experience of Christian baptisms in churches (or even in a creek or river, for that matter), we will miss what Jesus is doing. When Jesus went down into the Jordan River to be baptized by John, he was not performing a religious ritual in a church or synagogue. On the contrary: Jesus was standing in complete solidarity with the spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically ill. By being baptized by John “for repentance from sins,” Jesus was deliberately and courageously standing shoulder to shoulder with men and women known to be sinners. Of course the good people mocked and chided Jesus for his baptism. He was in effect declaring, “I am a man with and for sinners, and as a human being, also in need of divine grace and favor.”

On this feast of the Baptism of our LORD, I invite all of us to reflect on the inner attitude of Jesus as he lets himself be identified with us sinners. Consider that he stood in a muddy river with human beings deemed “untouchable” by the morally upright and holy ones. In the spirit of Pope Francis, who understands Jesus well, each of us can ask: “How do I live out my calling as a servant of God? How do I seek to serve God’s people? In what ways do I carry the gospel of joy into the world? Am I willing to leave my own comfortable beliefs and ways of living and venture forward, bringing Christ to the disadvantaged, and finding Christ in them, and serving Christ in them?” Take to heart these words from Pope Francis in his “Gospel of Joy: “The great danger in today’s world, pervaded as it is by consumerism, is the desolation and anguish born of a complacent yet covetous heart, the feverish pursuit of frivolous pleasures, and a blunted conscience.” What are we doing to share the sufferings of others?

08 January 2015

High Risk, So I Put On A Very Tight Stop

BHP Billiton in past 3 months. Australia's largest company. Stock performance has been horrific. I just established a position after years away. See the rect low at $45.13? If it drops below that price, for several hours, I will sell half the position.  If it closes beneath it, the rest gets sold. That is putting on a tight stop, and is done with very high risk stocks.

For a solid company with good technicals, I would ADD to the position if it dropped. One cannot treat highly marginal stocks, and mediocre companies, in that way, and especially not on margin. Losers must get dumped quickly. Winners get trimmed, and then you "kept the rest run" when the initial investment has been "taken off the table."  

Tim Seymour on Fast Money recommended Freeport-McMoRan several days ago. I have owned FCX for years, often at a loss, and received good dividends. It is a way I play not only copper and moly, but gold. Billiton is v high risk, and I have heard no one recommend it. Hence, this is a "highly contrarian play." I like having at least some money in a speculative if high risk stock. Billiton's assets? Over a 5% dividend which it has a history of raising. And the company has vast resources: coking coal, petrol, uranium, iron ore, aluminum, copper, gold, precious minerals, etc. As the world has been in a long, slow DEFLATION, most commodities have dropped in price (the grains have held up), and the US dollar, in which commodities are priced, keeps strengthening. So this is a high risk investment.  

Hence, a very short leash. I can always sell the shares, and buy them back either more cheaply, or once the stock has established a new uptrend--the only way to buy stocks as recommended by IBD. Even then any loss of 7%, DUMP the stock, says IBD, to preserve capital. The foremost goal in responsible investing is always CAPITAL PRESERVATION. Only secondly can the goal be capital appreciation. I have no intention of losing the thousands of $$ I invested in Billiton. "You date a stock, never marry one."

Benefitting from a "drunken pscyho"

Dear friends,

As you probably know, U.S., European, and Asian stock markets have been highly turbulent since late September, and especially since Christmas. According to a report on CNBC, U.S. equity markets just had their worst 3-day beginning of a year in American history. You can hear reports about possible causes, but the collapse of the price of oil, with the likely mortal wounding of OPEC (thanks to American shale oil production and Saudi dumping in order to lower prices), surely stands out as a major cause.

As I have explained before, in an overall bull market, such as we still have, I follow the cliched advice, “Sell the rips and buy the dips.” I sold off all sorts of stocks in late December, taking good profits (for one example, in EOG, Schlumberger, BankAmerica). Then in the bloody first three days, with the S&P 500 falling hard and fast, I bought best of breed companies. I especially added to companies that stand to gain from lower oil prices. Because oil has not stabilized, and could easily fall to a significantly lower level, I am avoiding all companies directly linked to a higher price of oil. I have no regrets about selling all of my Conoco, EOG, and Schlumberger, and buying a sizable stake in Kinder Morgan (oil and gas pipeline and storage, with a large dividend). My riskiest buys have been back into leading miners, especially Pan American Silver (PAAS), with a 5% dividend; Freeport copper, molybdenum, and gold miner with well over a 5% dividend; and the world’s largest miner, BHP Billiton, now close to a 10-year low because of the slowdown in China, but with a high dividend that allows me to sit and wait for economies to pick up with the much lower price in oil. It is hard to believe that the economies of China, India, Japan, and Southeast Asia, all large buyers from Australia’s huge BHP, will not benefit as the oil price has been more than halved already. I also added to an American producer of non-dairy milk, Whitewave; and a financial service company, riNet, that helps smaller companies deal with complicated insurance, tax, and other matters. After hearing Cramer’s analysis of the “dogs of the DOW,” I also re-opened a position in AT&T, whose dividend makes up for the company’s sluggish growth. (Besides, I have heard men rave about football on DirectTV, which is now part of AT&T, so growth may be coming.) Apple’s stock took quite a beating (dropping from some $120 a few weeks ago to $105 yesterday), and the present price provides an excellent place for someone to begin a position, or add to an under-sized position. Monster Beverage, which I have strongly recommended in recent weeks, has been the best or second best performer in the S&P 500 so far this year. Equities drop, and Monster keeps climbing (the stock has been a monster), because it has what giant Coca Cola lacks and needs: strong growth. Apple and Monster remain on IBD’s list of best 50 stocks to own, but most of the stocks on the list are small or mid-sized biopharmas. (I owned Celgene, made quick gains, and sold.)  

Such has been my strategy, which I have used with increasing confidence and clarify since 2003, after I learned the hard way from a “professional” who profited from me, rather than helped me. And then today after the close of market I came across an assessment of our present stock market by no less than Warren Buffett, perhaps the most successful investor alive today:

“Mr. Market is kind of a drunken psycho.  Some days he gets very enthused,
some days he gets very depressed. And when he gets really enthused…you sell
to him, and if he gets depressed, you buy from him. There’s no moral taint 
attached to that.”

What Buffett describes, I have been doing. One can be rational, to a degree, even when the markets are highly irrational. One learns to profit from markets’ “drunken psycho” states.

What I recommend is that investors keep a good watch list of companies into which they have good reasons to invest (plenty of tools are available on the net, including the excellent tools of Investor’s Business Daily). Develop a list, and when the markets throw a hissy fit because oil drops precipitously, and all sorts of non-oil related stocks go on sale, then you buy. I recommend that you have a high quality American retailer or two on your list; another company or two which does not lose, but may gain, as oil keeps falling; and if you are a risk-taker, try one of the extremely out-of-fashion stocks, such as Freeport (FCX) or Billiton (BHP).  Take the dividends, and be very patient with these stocks. If you like big DOW 30 stocks, consider AT&T and Intel (even though Intel was up 40% in 2014, it is still relatively inexpensive, and yields a solid dividend). There are many other good stocks to watch, and buy on a day when “blood is flowing in the Street.” e can and should profit off of irrational panic. It is that simple. That is how one invests in stock markets, benefitting from their fits of irrationality. One must keep his head cool, and think longer term.  

“Good luck and good hunting.”

06 January 2015

A Nocturnal Journey Into God

 Picture

Just now I started toward bed, but my mind prompts me to write. Thought provokes thought. Having written the previous blog in which I realize my neglect of prayer, now I must ask:  How do I pray? How shall I pray now? How will I seek God?  Why not now.

Now. “Not tomorrow, not today, but now.”  That which one seeks, in seeking God, is the ever-present One. On the one hand, because always present and available, one can turn and seek God at any moment. On the other hand, because the Divine is ever-present, ever that which is most real in one’s life and experience, it is all too easy to procrastinate the search, to say, in effect, “Not now, Honey, I have a headache,” or some other dimly lit excuse.  

If God is here, why seek?  By “seeking” is not some faring forward into nothingness, a kind of wandering or meandering about more or less aimlessly. On the contrary:  To seek God is to respond to the One moving one to seek. That much is crystal clear to me, and has been for nearly all of my adult life—no doubt aided by Plato, the Apostle Paul, Eric Voegelin, and others. Aided, too, by concrete human experience. When I seek God, all I am doing is letting go of distractions, and attending to the Light that breaks in, unseen. It is at once the most simple, most basic, most joyful mental activity in the world. What breathing is to the body, responding to the One seeking is to the human spirit.  Seeking God is the life of the spirit; and failure to seek God, to respond to the Seeking One, is spiritual sleep, if not spiritual death.

Hence, I have been nudged interiorly to acknowledge that I am being sought, here and now. This is Christ calling his disciples:  not two thousand years ago, not to fishermen, but here and now to me. To you, to anyone who will but attend. One can say, “I do not hear Christ calling, or in any event, I am bored, find the question uninteresting, and must fix dinner.”  That is the kind of response I keep hearing from one close to me all of my life, and whose neglect of God is puzzling and painful to me. How can a human being think or pretend that there is no God?  For God not to be, nothing exists. God is the name given to the Cause of all that is, and to that which moves all towards its completion and happiness. That may sound too much like Aristotle or St. Thomas Aquinas, but it is still true. I do not understand how any human being can deceive themselves in to thinking that God is nothing at all, or that the entire “God-question” is just a bore.  
Why are you alive? What is the meaning of your life? What are you seeking? “What’s it all about, Alfie?”  The “agnostic” seems to say: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Can anyone really be so superficial as not to wonder, “Why am I alive?  Why is the world here? Why is there something, why not nothing?” To wonder and to question is human, and the human task; not to question, not to wonder, not to seek, is to refuse to perform our human task. And for what?  “Fun.”  Movies, video games, TV shows, sports, cards, sex, shopping, browsing the net… Endless escapes by one who refuses to seek the Seeker, to respond to the Mover that moves all things through all.

What is it that I call “God”?  I draw a deep breath, and left up chest up and back. Yes, that is a good question. “Who are you, LORD?” However I ask, and wonder, I also acknowledge that I would not ask or wonder, if I had not already heard, and sensed the answer: “I AM HE WHO IS,” for one very good answer. I ask nothing in a vacuum.  My mind has been formed by accounts about God, and to these I respond, and through them. God, Christ, LORD, the One, the Good, the Beginning and the End, the First Cause, ultimate bliss… I AM WHO AM.  Yes, the God of the philosophers, but all the more, the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. And ever for me, above all: the God of Moses, the God of Jesus Christ, the God of the Apostle Paul, the God of the Greek philosophers, the God of the mystics of the Church, the God of saintly men and women throughout the ages. The God of the stars, and sun, and moon, and earth. That which is present here, there, everywhere, always moving, yet not moved; always alive, giving life to all that lives. I smile: I virtually drown in God! If I did not love You, surely I would feel myself drowning, for You are everywhere, around, within, above, below…. “Where can I go from your Spirit?” Nowhere.  To be is nothing else than to be in You.  

                                                                                     ***

So far, easy.  What am I really saying?  This: That when I think, when I am aware, I am also at the same time aware that You are with me. You are the Mind by which my mind works. You are the Breath in every breath I take.  It makes no sense to say, “God is not,” for the very word “is” is but a basic name for God:  HE WHO IS, or in the even simpler response of Parmenides to divine Presence everywhere:  IS!  

An atheist such as Nietzsche or Marx is easier for me to understand than a self-proclaimed agnostic. It seems more honest, too. Marx played his little games with his childish atheism, but Nietzsche lives what he asserted, and it killed his spirit utterly.  He entered that sheer void in which he said the whole universe is whirling and hurling because “God is dead.”  No, Nietzsche asserted that “God is dead.” By the Divine in him, Nietzsche cursed God. By the brilliant power of divine Reason in him, Nietzsche sought to persuade others that God, a human projection into emptiness, is nothing. By his own words he stood condemned. The light of Reason, the Power of Nietzsche’s own atheistic stance, is itself a testimony to God!  How ironic. No one can say, “God is nothing,” except by the divine One living in that person. There is no consciousness apart from divine consciousness, although human consciousness is not in itself wholly divine. God is present; the present is the unfolding of God in space-time. Now is formed by the will of the Almighty.

I assert, I do not reason. Okay, let me ask you this: Who are you, LORD? I know, and do not know; I love You, and do not love You as I ought. Show yourself to me, and I will be satisfied.  And yet, You show yourself, not by being seen, nor by being felt, but by being unknown, unfelt, unmoved.  You show yourself in our wondering minds, in the act of wondering, questioning, seeking, loving. You draw us to yourself by bands of love indeed—and by questions of the heart. Who are You, my LORD, and how can I love you more truly?  “I’m in love but I’m lazy….”
                                                                                 ***

It is 2145, and my eyes grow weary. Human beings need rest: a sure reminder of our limited nature, and of our mortality.  Soon the day will come when I will need to rest, and not awake here. I am not there yet. I need rest to arise to do my duties. My foremost duty is not to celebrate Mass, or to attend to stocks, but to seek You. Show me what to read as I crawl into bed, and fill my mind with delighting in your wisdom.  Amen.

Searching Again

From one sensing his neglect to examine his own life
This brief essay, or blog, will be written and posted as is. If I tell myself that I am merely beginning a little project, I have a way of procrastinating every step of the way. So if I journey only fifty feet now, still, I will come to some end, and let it go.

I write, as usual, for several reasons. The main reason is basic: to bring into light things not now in the light. In other words, to bring to consciousness some materials of which I am barely conscious at this time. I sense in me dis-ease or unrest over questions not answered, but even more, over questions I am not asking. What am I not asking or pursuing? What human task am I avoiding?These and related questions urge me to write in order to understand. Real questions arise from existential states—from what one experiences in real life.

Real questions are never clever intellectual games, such as a parishioner sprang on me recently (admittedly, in jest): “If all creatures are in God forever, then what happens to the trillions of insects, bacteria, and so on? Is heaven creeping with so many pests?” The question was cute, but not genuine. The young man was playing a clever game, and not really thinking about the point I was making: Whatever exists is in God eternally. That is my understanding of “eternal life.” It has been drawn from a passage in St. Luke’s Gospel in which clever intellectuals tried to trap Jesus on issues of “afterlife.” His basic answer: “To God all are alive.” To me, it is that simple, and that is sufficient.

In any case, I am not now seeking to clarify that particular insight, as I work on it every time I prepare another funeral. It is an abiding question of my soul. The present is different. I simply wanted to illustrate the difference between a real question and a clever word-game tossed out by a would-be intellectual. I think that Christ wasted no time with such tomfoolery. Nor shall I, if I can keep my wits. For there are real questions to ask, to pursue. What are they, and from where do they arise? As noted, real questions are existential, arising from and within one’s very life. Real questions are restless in our hearts, until we pursue them.

Now, I sense that I need to articulate the question I am not asking. I am not seeking to hide from God, from myself, or from a reader, but in truth, I very dimly sense that there is something pressing. That is the point. I am writing because I sense, I discern, that I am not asking a proper question now, or not pursuing what I ought to be pursing, or not living as I ought to live. Something does not feel right, and it is something vital to my living, to being a good human being. That is my sense. I am being urged from within—perhaps by God, I truly do not know at this point—to press into, to examine, to seek to find what I have partly lost. For there are some things which ought to be remembered, kept in consciousness: God is surely foremost among these “things,” although God is a non-thing, and transcends every meaning we can ascribe to “person.” God deserves more than I am giving now. I have not been sufficiently attending to God. That much is evident immediately.

Okay, I have a first formulation of what is urging me to write: a sense that I ought to be giving to God more and perhaps essentially other than I am at this time. The sense was triggered by a comment that recurred in Christmas cards sent to me from perhaps ten different parishioners. Here is the recurring gist: “Thank you for all that you do for us.” Those words, well-intentioned, touch my conscience, or disturb my soul. Why? Because I am not aware of doing much for parishioners, or for anyone. Yes, I make some attempts, and work on homilies, and so on. But I am aware that there is always far more than I could be doing. A job such as mine—a parish priest with parishioners strung out far and wide across God’s creation (perhaps 2000 square miles)—how can anyone possibly do justice to such a task? And what good am I truly providing these people? I often wonder: Could it be that I do more harm, than good? Or even that amidst doing some good,I also do some harm? Clearly some of the parishioners are wounded, as my approach to God and Christ requires thinking and self-examination, and many would-be Christians are just like everyone else: Many human beings refuse to think about their lives and what they are doing. The refusal to think about our lives, and how we are living, is one of the diseases of our “modern age.”

Am I failing to think about my life here and now? Surely I am not praying much any more, or not praying much in silence. I still read, and celebrate the Mass in public, and walk, and think about homilies, give some teachings, meet with parishioners, and so on, but overall, I cannot claim to be living an examined life. And what did Socrates say, in Plato’s Apology? “The unexamined life is not worthy of a human being.” That is a more literal translation of the Greek than what is often quoted: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” The measure is our humanity, and to be in the human mode is indeed a high calling. It behooves each of us, as human beings, to examine ourselves, to question ourselves, to test whether we really are living according to Christ, as the Apostle Paul urges us. Am I truly living according to Christ, to the measure of God’s gift? Hardly. No, I do not hold myself blameless, nor my life exemplary, by any means.

“Thank you for all that you do for us.” I repeat: The intention of the givers, of the speakers, is well appreciated. The men and women who wrote such a note to me surely meant well, sought to praise me, and to thank me. Still, their words point to my sense of incompletion, of ongoing failure in my life. I cannot be, will never be, a truly good parish priest, or a real man of God, or a true Christian. I may at best struggle towards such goals, but I am ever aware of painful shortcomings. This is not modesty, but sheer obvious truth: I am not what or who I should be, and I do not perform my duties as well as possible, or do all that I should do.

One reason I will never be fully happy in my work is that the work does not lend itself to complete happiness. It is of infinite demand, and gives little time for rest or reflection. It is contemplation, concentrated study, gazing on God, that alone brings true and full happiness, as Aristotle taught, as the mystics lived. I enjoy my work only when I am less than fully engaged in it. I need more time, more effort, for silent contemplation. Perhaps I am not saying this well. Most priests take vacations; I do not. Perhaps these vacations keep them “in the saddle,” make the work bearable. I know that quite a few priests like to “goof off,” and some spend very little effort preparing sermons. Some even read canned notes, prepared by someone else, bought and paid for! Stupid, but true. Perhaps these men enjoy their job. But in my opinion, if a man is truly aware of what we have undertaken—the care of souls, and helping to lead men and women to God—we cannot be truly at rest, never pat ourselves on the back, not look for escapes in vacations, cruises, second homes, and so on. The task is by its nature unlimited. And that makes it extremely difficult. Of course one can be pious and say, “I just do a little bit, and trust God for the rest.” More clever than profound, because the one who says this is probably in reality doing little, and excusing himself from harder work by saying, “I leave it to God.” And yet, there is a truth here, that ultimately one must trust the divine Partner to bring the good work to completion. And yet—here is the problem. How dare I speak for God? I, this human being, who knows all too well that I myself fall terribly short of divine justice? I know that I am indeed a sinner in need of divine forgiveness, and in myself, nothing, and empty. And yet: God is with me. I trust and rejoice in the presence of He Who Is, from moment to moment. Is that not enough? At the least, I should spend far more time truly seeking God. That much is coming to light here and now, once again.

What should I be doing for these parishioners that I am not now doing? As it is, I feel like a busy-body, driving all over the place, hectic, yet accomplishing little. More home visits are not the answer, really. I surely could use more assistance from lay persons to help tend the flock. But Catholic theology and practice dumped far too much on ordained priests, and then has set such limitations as to make too few eligible for ordination. It is absurd to demand so much of clergy, and insist that priests be neither married nor female. The older I get, the more injustice I see in this paradox: Such huge demands and expectations on priests, and then such a small pool from whom to draw its priests. No wonder so many of us are of quite low quality. We do not have to compete with married men or women. The pickings were slim, and so many of us got through seminary far too easily, giving far too little. Of course there are some high-quality priests. But there are too many of us who are just plain mediocre at best, and too many who are worse than mediocre. Some of the best human beings I have met are Catholic priests. And some of the worst human beings I have met are Catholic priests (or deacons). Why? Again, I point to the problem of having such a small pool of talent from which to draw for ordination. Most men, and nearly all good men, want to marry and have children. So these men are excluded. And then among women, I have known many Benedictine, Dominican, and other sisters who would make excellent ministers of the gospel and of the Eucharist by presiding at the Mass. (They are already in reality more priestly than many ordained priests. That much is obvious to anyone with eyes to see). But they are excluded from ordination for one reason only: their gender. This exclusion is not only unjust, but foolish. It serves to protect the body of all-male clergy, many of whom are not of a caliber worthy of our calling. In that group, I would include myself. I am here by default. They need someone to do a certain job, and I was available.
                                                                                    ***
Now, I have written words off the top of my head, as they emerged in consciousness. Are they true, or wise? I am not sure. I spoke my heart, and know very well that what I wrote would be silenced by members of the Catholic hierarchy if they read it. Why? Some bishops even forbid us to discuss these matters, to think about who should be ordained. Why? Ordination is for the good of the lay persons whom we are ordained to serve, not for our own good. Indeed, as I have often said, one must sacrifice something of his own spiritual life to serve as a priest, because one is ever torn from prayer, study, quiet, contemplation, and forced at times to deal with very mundane but urgent matters. If I am hearing what Pope Francis says, he wants us in the Church to raise all of these questions, and to discuss them. Francis would not tell me, “How dare you question us? How dare you criticize the hierarchy?” No way. Francis himself is a constant testimony to the poor quality of most priests. How so? Because he is the real thing, and anyone who listens to him, and observes him, can see it. Most of us are just going through motions, putting in time, perhaps thinking about our next vacation, or a girl friend on the side, or a boy friend. Let’s be honest: the priestly life is not realistic and good for human beings as we exist in history. Far better to marry “than to be aflame with desire,” as St. Paul writes. Too many of us priests abuse alcohol, and that problem is exacerbated by loneliness. Too many of us get caught up in the things of the world (myself included, with the need to invest, as I will receive no pension after some 35 years of service). All of us lack a good spouse to remind us of our failings, and to help us to live more holy lives. This is a lesson of Francis to me: “Really and truly learn to love, to serve, to help your people. Seek justice with them, and for them. And smell like your sheep (without sleeping with them).”
                                                                                      ***
Now it is time for what I most love when writing: a new beginning. The thoughts move so far, and then I say, “Halt!,” and want to return to the surface, begin afresh.

What am I overlooking in the present brief essay that should be included?Am I thankful for my present job? Yes. But I must add: I am also ashamed at not being more, having more to give. Okay, I have said that. What needs to be added? Should I resign? Why? Do I really believe that these parishioners would be provided with a better priest? Given what I have seen around here,I smirk and shade my head. What? An ultra-traditionalist who thinks that mumbling words in Latin is more pleasing to God than speaking plain English that people can understand? Some of these young priests mean well, but they come across to me as pretentious and self-righteous, or at least, naive. God does not need Latin, lace, or fancy linens. God needs men to live Christ faithfully, and extend Christ’s heart and hand to each and to all. And may God spare the faithful from heavy-handed senior pastors, who are full of themselves, convinced of their own wisdom and prudence, and who truly do not respect women, or anyone, really, but themselves.

Yes, Christ. What has happened to Christ in this little essay?The light of my life. Where has He gone? Have I hidden Christ under a bushel basket? Or killed him afresh in my attitude towards so many clergy? Where is Jesus Christ in these words? Do I truly want and seek Christ? Surely I used to love Christ; but has my love grown cold? In truth, my love for Christ seems to have grown cold, or at least, far cooler. I have been horribly scandalized by what I have seen from brother priests. My conscience hurts for the evils I have seen, and that have gone uncorrected. Where is justice here? And where is Christ? Yes, Jesus was patient with Judas. Would that the Catholic Church had far fewer Judas-priests. Am I one of them? At times I am like Peter—bold, brash, overly self-confident, but at least fresh. At times, I am Judas, who betrays my Lord in my own life. At times I am like the Apostle Paul, on fire to proclaim Christ, but wounded by my own wounded temperament, my weaknesses. Christ deserves better.

And yet, here I am. If God wills that I remain here, I will remain: in this job, and in this world. But if I remain in my present job, or for however long as I remain, I must seek to come up to the standard of trust that some of these parishioners have placed in me: “Thank you for all that you do for us.” Even the bishop has place trust in me, assigning me here. And for that I am grateful. And to my abbot, for not (yet) rescinding my right to serve as a parish priest. As he knows, I do not intend to return to monastic life. That door has closed. How to serve better this evening, and tomorrow: that is the question. And to serve better, I am to seek better: I must return again and again in prayer, in heartfelt longing, to dialogue, to the God who comes to us in Christ Jesus. That much I know as clear as day.
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This effort has not been wasted. I see more clearly now what urges me in unrest: to seek God more truly, to turn to God in more genuine prayer. That is the one thing necessary. And of this I have no doubt: If and only if I truly become a man of prayer, will I have to give what these good parishioners truly need. They need God, as I do. My job is to help bring them to God, and God to them. To do that, I must live in and for Christ far more authentically. And that means: Pray. Seek the One who is seeking me.

05 January 2015

Tentative Thoughts On American Political Consciousness, And The Seemingly Undying Feud Between Left And Right

03 January 2015 (114 anniversary of the birth of Eric Voegelin)

Introductory Notes.
What follows is likely to ramble a little, as my mind struggles for clarity, and my body remains affected by an influenza virus most notable for the fevers, chills, and sweats it brings me. Even now I feel a chill in my legs. Despite not feeling well, I still take walks, with loyal Moses. Recently we returned from a short visit to Castner Park in Belt, braving the -10 F weather, and much snow. One must make do, and carry on, eh? How else could one live with reasonable contentment and happiness? In other words, winter, too, must be enjoyed for the good things it brings.

Despite fevers and chills, I find myself returning to questions and issues that have taken some of my attention for years: the nature and use of studying history; the American Civil War; the causes of the war; secession; the moral dilemma of so many, and well known in the person of General Robert E Lee; Lincoln’s attempts to “save the Union,” his analysis of the political problems and his attempt to help refound the American Republic; the seemingly endless and undying feud between the American left and right; and so on. These and related questions press in, not primarily for mere “historical interest,” but because they relate to present existence in the United States of America. This claim can best be clarified through a few questions and basic considerations.

That human beings die was evident to me from my earliest years of consciousness. I saw my first corpse around age 3; and when 4 or 5, a little girl who had been riding next to me in a car opened the door, fell out, and died. In contrast, the physical world around me and our homeland, the United States of America, seemed to endure, and that was comforting. Then came the assassination of President Kennedy in 1963, and the tearing apart of our political fabric during the Viet-Nam War and the racial tensions in the late 1960’s. So I had to recognize that countries, too, get sick and perhaps die. Indeed, even the superficial study of history in public school made me aware that empires, kingdoms, cities, states—all pass away. Before leaving high school, I was aware of the tension between political mortality and the claim of the United States to be the “new order of the ages.” Despite the rhetoric, I sensed, thought, and felt that our country, too, would eventually pass away. What I experienced in the turmoil of the 1960’s I interpreted as symptoms of political decadence, or perhaps of a dying Republic.

Initial Questions.
Is the United of America dying? In one sense it is, surely, for “everything that enters being must perish,” as Plato articulates this basic insight into reality in his Republic. It seems healthy and beneficial for a people to accept that their country had a beginning in time, flourishes for a few seasons or centuries, and gradually or sometimes suddenly (as through war) passes away. Or at the very least, one country joins another, or splits into a number of political units, each with its distinct life. In truth, the processes of coming-to-be and passing-away are ever at work, so that at each moment, in some ways, a country is coming into being; and at the very same time, in some ways, it is passing away. Political society is indeed “Man writ large,” again drawing from Plato’s Republic. What is true of the concrete individual human being, is true of a political society: life and death are ever at work, contending. At some point, forces of death seem to gain the upper hand, and the body, or body politic, silently or suddenly slips beneath the waves. In the case of a country, it is possible, even likely, that some of its former citizens survive the regime’s death, and become citizens of other countries. Although Hitler’s Third Reich did not last the promised thousand years, but a mere twelve years, and met a violent death after its vile and violent life, many of its citizens became West or East German citizens, or Americans, or Argentinians, and so on. In short, some citizens outlast the dying regime of which they had been members. And so it may well be with the United States of America, when our country finally falls beneath the waves of time, and ceases to exist.

How or when that will be, no one knows. There is, however, another kind of dying that we experience, and which is not final, and also accompanied with coming-to-be, with new births, growth, blossoming, new possibilities. This kind of process was what many of us experienced in the United States during the turbulent 1960’s: dying of some of our political culture, or at least a sickening and decay of parts; new growths appearing on the scene (whether healthy or cancerous, is another question); new possibilities opening up before our eyes.

Awake or napping? Even as I write, my eyes close and I begin to slip away into sleep. Influenza allows but little time for consciousness. Perhaps it is fitting in a man thinking about the sickness and passing of his own country.
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Coming-to-be and major advancements in the development of American political consciousness.
A people in history gradually becomes conscious of itself as a people. Concrete individuals think of themselves not only in terms of where they were born, their country of origin and early formation, but of where they live now. In time the British colonists in North America—or at least in the colonies stretching from New England south through the Carolinas to Georgia—thought of themselves as Americans. It did not happen at once, or at the same time for everyone. During the Revolutionary War, “Loyalists” conceived of themselves as British, or at least as British subjects; the “Revolutionaries” conceived of themselves far less as subjects of the English Monarch, and more as American colonists, and even as “Americans.” The appearance and use of names for a people’s self-understanding chronicle the flux in consciousness. The coinage and growing usage of the symbol “American” for the British colonists in North America would be a useful study in the formation of American political consciousness: of the coming-to-be of a new regime in history, the United States of America. Note: for years I have observed that this new country lacks a proper name, such as France, Germany, or Great Britain has. By the words “United States of America,” the country could potentially include all of the Americas, continents both North and South. And we did try on several occasions to observe chunks of Canada, and did take over a large piece of Mexico’s territory. So far, Americans have not reached to Patagonia or Tierra del Fuego, except through commerce, technology, advertising, media, and so on.

A. No doubt the development of American consciousness is rooted in the England from which most (but surely not all) of the colonists came, and at least three significant advancements stand out that in time erupt into American consciousness: First, the limited but real breaking away of England from the Catholic Church, and emergence of a religion steeped in Christian experience and symbol, but also suffused with national self-consciousness: the Church of England. This religious faith was still mainly Catholic, although the King of England, not the Pope, was the recognized head of the church. Although not intended to be so by King Henry VIII, in principle this move lent itself to becoming Protestant. Second, the wave of extreme Protestant experience known succinctly as the Puritan Revolution that swept over England in the 17th century, affected probably every significant aspect of English life and self-understanding. The Puritan Revolution, although having Protestant-Christian elements, also contained massive doses of Gnostic experience, as Voegelin and other scholars have shown. In time, both the Protestant and Gnostic elements of Puritanism fed massively into American self-consciousness. I have long seen the Puritan seed as the basic germ giving rise to American political consciousness; and many of the Gnostic movements in American history were engendered out of the fertilizer of Puritan culture. Third, and related to the Puritan Revolution, but also with roots back at least as far as the Magna Carta, one must acknowledge the growth of English Republicanism as crucial to what becomes American self-understanding. Protestant, Puritan, and Republican experience and symbol all emphasize the concrete individual as the primary unit of society, and as the person which must be represented by and in the political community and its Representative. Here we find the belief and firm conviction that each individual human being is unique and must somehow be represented in the political community, unless that community is tyrannical, dominated from above, without respecting the real or imagined “rights” of the individual person.

B. A second major source for the development of American political consciousness as it erupted at the time of the American Revolution of 1775-1783 would be the colonial experience. Several facets of this experience stand out as salient and especially formative. First, men and women coming to shores of “the New World,” or “New England,” and so on, conceived themselves as English, but also as Christians seeking to establish some form of “the Kingdom of God” on earth. The most significant early formulation of this self-understanding is found in the Mayflower Compact of 1620, signed by men on board ship before landing at a place they would name “Plymouth,” honoring their English roots. The Mayflower Compact can be seen as an early eruption of what will in time become American self-understanding; when written, the men clearly think of themselves first and foremost as “Christians.” (Here I could insert the brief Compact to illustrate the predominant sentiments of the men in this historically highly significant political-religious action.)

Second, as one studies other founding charters of the several English colonies, one finds similar conceptions, and especially the notion of each individual man having the ability and freedom to speak for himself as the new community is formed. At work in each is the principle of individual representation for men (women were still considered as represented through father or husband, and children through their father.) These communities, even when formed by permission of the King, are Republican in spirit, and loyal to the King as the ultimate head of the Realm back in England, and one to whom they swear ready loyalty and obedience. Of especial significance, in my opinion, are the Fundamental Orders of Connecticut, and the various founding documents of the Massachusetts Bay Colony also established by Puritans. Looking back from the Constitution of 1787, such documents stand out as significant milestones in the development of American political consciousness. The “We the People” of the Constitution of 1787 arose in continuity, not only with earlier American colonial documents, but more essentially with common colonial experiences and symbols, not least of which is “the People,” and the belief that individuals can freely associate themselves into a body politic and choose a Representative, who, in the colonial experience, would be accountable both to the King more distantly, and to the People out of which they arose, and whom they were to represent in their decisions. In most cases, the Governor was an appointee of the King, but the colonial legislature was directly elected by white men holding property. Through this process, “the People” were being gradually formed in responsible self-government, as they would experience directly the consequences of their choices in local and colonial government.

C. A third stream flowing into the growing national consciousness would come from “dissenters,” from men and women deliberately out of the English-Puritan mainstream: Roger Williams and the founding of what became Rhode Island; William Penn, the Quaker identified with the founding of Pennsylvania. Religious dissent, or the breach from Puritan and Protestant Orthodoxy, was in effect a more radical and individualistic form of the Puritan experience. If the Puritans still recognized the authority of King [if they did], Church, Scripture, dissenters were more closely identified with the “godded men” of the left-wing of the Puritan Revolution. The source of authority is the individual self, and these “dissenters,” as they often styled themselves, were not in principle prepared to recognize any authority other than the self, or that to which they freely chose to grant limited service.

Stop. What am I writing, and why? It seems that I am regurgitating information, without a proper theoretical framework founded on right questions and existential issues. Translation, please: Facts remembered are not the way to begin. What are the questions I wish to ask about American political experience, and why am I presently motivated to ask any questions at all?

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Beginning afresh: What moves me to try to understand American political consciousness now? Here is the present experience and concern: That the kind of deep divisiveness now present in the American regime is not unlike the divisiveness that dominated American politics and consciousness between about 1820 and into the Civil War. In the 19th-century case, hostile politics and the divided consciousness clearly promoted outrage and violence, and also helped to incite a large segment of the country to seek to “dissolve the political bands” with the Constitutional order established with the ratification of the Constitution of 1787. A sizable part of the body politic chose secession from the Union rather than remaining in a political order they deemed beyond possible remedy. Rather than remain in the Union and see their way of life (including slavery) threatened, they chose to secede, to declare complete political independence from the Federal Government. As Lincoln said so succinctly, “And the war came.” The Northern forces would not let the Southern States depart without a very costly fight. (I have often wondered: Why not just let them secede, and try to woo them back gradually? One may wonder, but the past is unchangeable, having been sealed by “the spindle of Necessity.)

It seems to me that before engaging in any study, one must have some knowledge of what he is seeking, and why. The study of “history” in particular easily lends itself to a kind of “vacuum-cleaner” approach to reality, as one just discovers and recounts various more or less true, more or less undigested pieces of information—“facts” as they are styled. To what purpose? The ocean of information is relatively boundless. One must ever seek to discover what matters, and why. Consider how Voegelin keeps before his readers the sentence from St. Augustine’s De Vera Religione: “In the study of creatures, one should not exercise a vain and perishing curiosity, but take steps to advance towards that which is immortal and everlasting.” Remember what you are about, and what the final goal is. The ascent of the mind into the divine must be the ultimate end of any study, as it is the final end of human being. Those unaware of the final end—known through faith, Augustine’s “cognition of faith”—may heap up mounds of fascinating facts with or without a degree of theoretical framework. But still one must ask: “To what purpose?”

In the present case, how on earth can my concern with present political disorder in the United States of America aid in the human duty of “taking steps to ascend to that which is everlasting and immortal”? The question is all the more urgent, perhaps, given that this country was founded in part in the wake of the Enlightenment. And if anything characterizes the Enlightenment, it is the explicit rejection of the divine End for man, and the liberation of human beings from divine order. In the dark, seductive light of the Enlightenment, Americans sought to establish “a new order of the ages,” and in effect sought to replace the divine order and “that which is immortal and everlasting” by nature with a humanly created “new order” that “will not perish from the earth,” borrowing a phrase from Lincoln. America founded itself on a strange and unstable concoction of Judaeo-Christian faith in God, and of God’s Law, with a belief that “we, even we here,” can create a “new order” that presents itself as “the Kingdom of God on earth,” as “the last best hope for mankind,” as that “new order of the ages” which will not pass away. (Keep in mind that “New Order of the Ages” is our official motto, seen on the Great Seal of the United States of America, and reproduced on our dollar bills). America’s founding was ever split between a vision of faith in God and a secular, even utopian dream of creating the world anew. Often the same human beings entertained both conceptions at once. This tension runs throughout the fabric of human life, and it clearly colors and distorts the entire unfolding of the history of the United States of America. Are we one nation under God, and one nation among many, having a beginning and end in time; or are we this “new order” that brings peace and freedom to all, “by shedding its blood” on the battlefields of the world, as Present Wilson articulated his Gnostic-utopian dream.

It is possible that this psychic split is inherent in all politics: that even when people know themselves as participants in the whole of reality, yet they may conceive their political community as not only representative of divine order, as in ancient Egypt, but a replacement of transcendent order with “the Kingdom of God on earth.” Every political order may be based on the belief that it is, somehow, ultimate reality, the final human community. I have not found this awareness among the ancients, however, with the exception of a streak in the Hebrew prophets and priests who treat the Chosen People as the ultimate community under God. The conception seems to be dangerous, fraught with serious consequences. It shows up again in much of Christian self-understanding, with the Church or a part of it as representing God on earth. The same divinization of a part of reality shows up in Islam, with God, his prophet, and the community of believers destined to spread over the whole world, and rightly so. As noted, dangerous stuff to any who resist. To the Chosen People, to the Church, to Islam, to the Soviet Union, to Nazi Germany, to the United States of America, and to all such self-proclaimed embodiments of truth and justice, I ask, a little freshly: Will the real God please stand up?

That is the problem. We have made out of politics what it is not, and cannot be: the ultimate and final realization of divine order in time. A largely Christian-inspired section of American believes that this divine mission requires the spread and dominance of Christian faith. The secular, unbelieving, Enlightenment-formed part of the American body politic (dominant in universities, the media, the learned folks) believe that America’s purpose is to spread freedom, peace, democracy, science all over the world, a kind of “light to the nations,” borrowing Deutero-Isaiah’s symbol (which had already been used to apply to Jesus, as in St. Luke, and to the Apostle Paul, in whose letters, and especially in the one to Christians in Rome). The two visions have a common core, but differ in expression and means. The Christians emphasize faith in God and keeping His Law, and America’s mission based on our so-called “Christian values.” And the secular intellectuals emphasize faith in Science, in knowledge, in technology, and in their own “good intentions” to seek to benefit everyone. Two ultimate world views, with a common core: we Americans are unique and “special,” and have a duty to serve mankind at large.In simplest terminology, one group wants to evangelize with the gospel of Christ, and the other wants to evangelize with knowledge based on Science.

This much must suffice for the present.
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